well, i have a time limit on this post. i have to be off in exactly one hour, or my brother will have another hissy fit, and i really cant deal with that right now. you know, in spite of me being in the legendary 'Transition Year', i actually feel like i'm under more stress this year than i was doing my Junior Cert. i don't know. maybe i'm just misjudging it, forgetting already what it was like last June. who knows? either way, i know for a fact that i wasn't really stressed at all this time last year, whereas now.....
anyway. im sorry i had to wait so long to write. from the second i got back from Capannalea it's been 'spina bifida this' and 'book report that'. oh, and even more 'spina bifida'. but i've finally got all my assignments up to date (as far as possible), and i've found a few minutes to sit down and splurge some of my feelings. i wont be able to get all of them though. i have way too many issues for that...! but i'll get down as much as i can. it will take a lot of individual posts to bring everyone up to date, but that's probably a good thing. if i were to write everything in one post, not only would it take positively weeks, but it would be so long you'd fall asleep after the first 50 paragraphs or so... so anyway. here's today's batch of issues and so forth...
Capannalea was, in short, a good laugh. even though i didn't think i would enjoy it properly, as me and hillwalking really should not be on the same continent together (and i'm really not the kind of person who says things like that, so that just shows how much i despise it), but to be honest, i even managed to carry my own bag up the hill on the day of the overnight adventure - one of the only girls who did, thank you very much! even though the slope was almost verticle. and that is one thing i am not joking about. we practically crawled up the last 50 meters or so. but the guys in my group were really nice. the staff at the centre put us into groups, so we weren't neccessarily with our friends, and the guys i was with were ones i don't think i had ever had an actual conversation with (except for maybe one of them). one of them was a guy i used to fancy a few years ago. even though i really am completely over him, i still feel a little awkward around him. the way i feel about him is: yes, he's really good looking, really sensitive for a guy and actually a real gentleman, something i never thought i'd see in a 16-year-old in the 21st century; but honestly, i always knew i never even had half a chance with him. i respect him, though, and there will always be a little part of me that still has some sort of feelings for him.
that guy was one of our nominated group leaders - we had two, the only group ever to have two according to our 'adult' leader. it wasn't exactly a concious decision - "let's have 2 group leaders" - but everyone else just unanimously decided - "these two are perfect. it's stupid to try and pick one over the other. they're both good friends so they'll get on well. let's just have them both." our other leader was a real gentleman aswel - it's amazing what you find out, things that you never though even existed before. anyway, this second leader was a guy i really had never spoken to before. it's not that i didn't want to, it's just that the opportunity never arose. our groups of friends don't really mix, and really we're from different 'social classes' - his girlfriend is (still) one of the 'popular' people, and me and my friends just prefer to do our own thing, in our own way, and be ourselves. one day, i will write a post about social class, being yourself, and the very strange realtionship between me and the second leader's girlfriend (in short - we used to be best friends, we're not any more. but it goes ever so slightly deeper than that), but not now. i have other things on my mind right now. these two leaders, well, they were so nice. even though i've never really spoken to them before, and technically they would have gotten away with just letting me do my own thing with the few of my friends that were in that group with me, they made a real effort with everyone and, strange as it feels to be wording it this way, it really felt like they cared. which brings me to mention something else i must write a post about some time - how it really is so much easier to talk to boys than to girls.
another subject i know i touched on in my last proper post was that guy. for confidentiality's sake, and so that i don't have to keep saying "the guy, the guy, the guy", let's call him.... Andrew. i know how pathetic this must sound, because i've scorned about it before, and i realise this is probably the time to tell you some more things about me (which i promise to tell you soon enough... i just don't know when...), but i'm going to say this anyway. there was an odd number of my female friends going on the bus to Capennalea, and as i was the last of them to get on the bus, i was sitting in a seat on my own. Andrew was already sitting in front of me with one of his friends (who also, incidentally, sees himself as one of our friends... another long and complicated story which, like so many other topics, i really don't feel in the mood to be getting into right at this moment). when he noticed me sitting on my own, he ditched his other guy friend and sat beside me instead. i know what you're saying - "wow, big deal, woopdeedoo" - but for me this is a big deal. being the quiet and conservative person that i seem to be (though i don't like to say it), i don't sit beside guys on buses that often. added to this fact was that this was going to be quite a long bus journey, and Andrew had ditched his guy friend to sit next to me. this made me feel really happy - quite really happy (i don't care whether that phrasing makes sense or not, by the way - in my own writing, i am given to saying things in the exact format they pop into my head) - especially since we filled pretty much the whole bus journey with relaxed conversation (when i first started liking him, over a year ago (i will give you 'our' history in another post (whether you want to read it or not!) it felt like kind of awkward when we were on our own together, but for the last year it's been fine - so much better, in fact). strange, and rather pathetic as it may seem, this feeling kept me happy for pretty much the whole rest of the day - something i feel can often be quite rare with me...
two things that are honestly really quite random, and for the most part reasonably unconnected with the other points in this post, are as follows:
firstly, one the first night - we were all staying up fairly late, as lights out wasn't until 12:30pm, which no-one was exactly complaining about. we were watching the 'Tokyo Drift' DVD, another thing that is quite strange for me, as i famously have pretty much no interest in cars whatsoever (Tokyo Drift is about the only car movie i will watch!), and people started drifting off to put on their pyjamas... and then coming back down to the common room again! it really is a kind of... i don't know... wierd (?)... experience to be sitting there, in your pyjamas, in fornt of all the guys! it's not something i normally do!
secondly - and of course, typically me, i've completely forgotten what i was going to say... and i just know i'll remember it the second i publish this!!
oh well, time to go so i can divert a life threatening hissy fit.... (and i am not making a joke out of this. i really don't like doing this, it makes me feel so... alone in life... (please don't laugh at that. i was being serious)
ciao
xxx
Tuesday 23 October 2007
Thursday 18 October 2007
alive
just letting you all know that i'm still alive!! that i didn't fall down a cliff or drown or anything!
i don't have time to write anything proper now, because if i started i would be going for hours! (i tend to rant a bit, as you may have noticed)
i'll be writing again soon, hopefullly tomorrow but if not then definitely this weekend
i just wanted to kill the suspense a little! (haha)
see you then
xxx
i don't have time to write anything proper now, because if i started i would be going for hours! (i tend to rant a bit, as you may have noticed)
i'll be writing again soon, hopefullly tomorrow but if not then definitely this weekend
i just wanted to kill the suspense a little! (haha)
see you then
xxx
Sunday 7 October 2007
no rest for the wicked
i think my head is about to explode!!
i've been working on my science essay since lunch time, and its now after 6pm - thats 5 hours! and im not even half finished!! i started out with a pile of information about as long as my arm, but now thankfully its down to 5 pages. it was all pretty much the same stuff, though, just worded differently, so it was an absolute nightmare to try and go through everything and decide first of all which bits i actually needed, and then to try and write it so it actually made sense! imagine wading through piles of information, each bit saying much the same thing but you dont know that until you've read it!! the worst bit is, i've written about almost every aspect of spina bifida i can think of - types, causes, diagnosis, incidence, treatment, life with - and i dont even have 2 pages! the only one i have left to write about is treatment, and even though it looks like i have more information on that than on any other aspect, its hardly goin to take up 2 pages all by itself! if anyone has ideas for what else i could write about then please, leave me a comment before next weekend!!!
with work experience behind me, i now have a week in Cappanalea, Co. Kerry to look forward to. its an outdoor adventure centre where we'll be doin canoeing, abseiling, hill walking, and so on. we're staying in a nice, warm, bathroomed, four-walled and roofed building on monday, tuesday and wednesdy night, but on thursday night we have to camp out. ick. i hate camping. and hilwalking. im not too fond of canoeing either, even though my parents introduced me to it the minute i was able to sit up by myself. i like abseiling though. always been a fan of jumping off huge rocks, although its usually into the water and without a rope. i've always wanted to go abseiling.
i suppose one of the things i'm most looking forward to about going to Cappanalea is seeing my friends again. i know that sounds kind of sad, but when you live in the middle of nowhere and you're shy around new people (eg people you're supposed to be working with), a week can seem like a long time... how the heck do i survive the summers??! but im really a people person at heart, even though its not apparent until i really get to know people - i know that doesnt make any sense, but sometimes a girl really needs her friends, you know? for laughs and stuff. then again, i suppose im talking about one friend in particular - not as a girly friend, though (although sometimes im not entirely sure about that...!). yes, ok, its a guy friend...!
and i adore him, of course. i know, two years ago i never thought i would be the type of person to 'fancy your guy mate'. thats all it is though. unfortunately. not through lack of trying on my part though (another thing i'd never have predicted, me being the shy-ish type of person i am and all...). i was flirting with him like mad at the halloween disco last year, and even though he didn't say anything directly the next day he seemed quieter than usual, and pensive - something he's definatly not usually - he even walked to school on his own, instead of with me and my friend, something he has never done in the whole three and a bit years we've been walking to school together - there was definatly something on his mind that day...!
and then at the Valentine's disco back in February of this year i plucked up enough courage to get my friends to ask him to score with me - i know, it doesnt exactly sound so courageous if its just my friends who were asking him for me, but i dont think even my very closest friends know how dificult that kind of thing is for me (as you may have guessed, i have serious self-confidence issues). anyway, he said no, and obviously i was upset, but then one of his other friends said he didn't think i would go out with him anyway. so consequentially, my head was so completely messed up. i avoided him for a few days, and i tried for the whole easter break (the following two weeks) to get over him, but after being back in school with him for a week i realised it was just not mentally possible for me to do that. as cliched as it may sound, i really have never felt like this about anyone... and i really never thought i'd be the kind of person to say something like that!!
this tangled story has a lot of issues to go with it - including a life-long best friend (with tangled issues herself), and a really horrible bitchy slut who joined our school last year and who i have to pretend to be friends with (then again, she's pretending too - its kind of like a modern Cold War, only worse...)
well i really want to keep going (honestly, i really do...!) but unfortunately, my rucksack's not going to pack itself. i guess i wont see you until next friday night, so i hope i'll have some good news for you by then!
ciao for now
xxx
i've been working on my science essay since lunch time, and its now after 6pm - thats 5 hours! and im not even half finished!! i started out with a pile of information about as long as my arm, but now thankfully its down to 5 pages. it was all pretty much the same stuff, though, just worded differently, so it was an absolute nightmare to try and go through everything and decide first of all which bits i actually needed, and then to try and write it so it actually made sense! imagine wading through piles of information, each bit saying much the same thing but you dont know that until you've read it!! the worst bit is, i've written about almost every aspect of spina bifida i can think of - types, causes, diagnosis, incidence, treatment, life with - and i dont even have 2 pages! the only one i have left to write about is treatment, and even though it looks like i have more information on that than on any other aspect, its hardly goin to take up 2 pages all by itself! if anyone has ideas for what else i could write about then please, leave me a comment before next weekend!!!
with work experience behind me, i now have a week in Cappanalea, Co. Kerry to look forward to. its an outdoor adventure centre where we'll be doin canoeing, abseiling, hill walking, and so on. we're staying in a nice, warm, bathroomed, four-walled and roofed building on monday, tuesday and wednesdy night, but on thursday night we have to camp out. ick. i hate camping. and hilwalking. im not too fond of canoeing either, even though my parents introduced me to it the minute i was able to sit up by myself. i like abseiling though. always been a fan of jumping off huge rocks, although its usually into the water and without a rope. i've always wanted to go abseiling.
i suppose one of the things i'm most looking forward to about going to Cappanalea is seeing my friends again. i know that sounds kind of sad, but when you live in the middle of nowhere and you're shy around new people (eg people you're supposed to be working with), a week can seem like a long time... how the heck do i survive the summers??! but im really a people person at heart, even though its not apparent until i really get to know people - i know that doesnt make any sense, but sometimes a girl really needs her friends, you know? for laughs and stuff. then again, i suppose im talking about one friend in particular - not as a girly friend, though (although sometimes im not entirely sure about that...!). yes, ok, its a guy friend...!
and i adore him, of course. i know, two years ago i never thought i would be the type of person to 'fancy your guy mate'. thats all it is though. unfortunately. not through lack of trying on my part though (another thing i'd never have predicted, me being the shy-ish type of person i am and all...). i was flirting with him like mad at the halloween disco last year, and even though he didn't say anything directly the next day he seemed quieter than usual, and pensive - something he's definatly not usually - he even walked to school on his own, instead of with me and my friend, something he has never done in the whole three and a bit years we've been walking to school together - there was definatly something on his mind that day...!
and then at the Valentine's disco back in February of this year i plucked up enough courage to get my friends to ask him to score with me - i know, it doesnt exactly sound so courageous if its just my friends who were asking him for me, but i dont think even my very closest friends know how dificult that kind of thing is for me (as you may have guessed, i have serious self-confidence issues). anyway, he said no, and obviously i was upset, but then one of his other friends said he didn't think i would go out with him anyway. so consequentially, my head was so completely messed up. i avoided him for a few days, and i tried for the whole easter break (the following two weeks) to get over him, but after being back in school with him for a week i realised it was just not mentally possible for me to do that. as cliched as it may sound, i really have never felt like this about anyone... and i really never thought i'd be the kind of person to say something like that!!
this tangled story has a lot of issues to go with it - including a life-long best friend (with tangled issues herself), and a really horrible bitchy slut who joined our school last year and who i have to pretend to be friends with (then again, she's pretending too - its kind of like a modern Cold War, only worse...)
well i really want to keep going (honestly, i really do...!) but unfortunately, my rucksack's not going to pack itself. i guess i wont see you until next friday night, so i hope i'll have some good news for you by then!
ciao for now
xxx
Friday 5 October 2007
Dear Jo
i dont know why i titled this blog 'dear jo'. i guess its because i just got emailed a song by someone on bebo that they wrote called 'dear jo' and it actually seems like a pretty good song. i know that is so exteremly random but thats just the kind of person i am...!
here's the song:
Dear jo,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the people you hurt on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while they cry?
How do you dream when a guy jumps of a bridge?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Dear jo
Were you a lonely girl?
Are you a lonely girl?
Are you a lonely girl?
How can you say
No one is hurt?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your rooms
While you pave the road to hell.
What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what your mum has to say
You've come a long way from trying to hurt them.
How do you sleep while they cry?
How do you dream when a guy jumps of a bridge?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Let me tell you 'bout love
When you care bout someone
Let me tell you 'bout havin
Friends that care bout you
Let me tell you 'bout havin
A heart when you love someone
Let me tell you 'bout true love
True lovetrue love
You don't know nothing 'bout true love
Yrue love
True love
Oh
How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear jo,
You'd never know true love.
Would you?
as i was saying, pretty random... but i thought it was good!
anyway -
this morning i was working with 'Alan' in physio - and may i just mention how hot he is?! hehe. at this point i may just point out that there is a total of 4 guys working in the entire building...! there's Alan; there's some fat older guy that does... um.... something...!; there's another fat older guy but i really dont have a clue what he does!; and there's another really old guy whos always wandering around the place in paint-spattered overalls but i dont think he actually does anything...!!
so that was pretty much my whole week of work experience - fairly uneventful as you can see, except for the episode with the freaky drunk old guy on monday......!
i think i'll warn you now though - i have a feeling my next post will have just a bit of ranting and raving...!! hehe i'll see you tomorrow!
xxx
here's the song:
Dear jo,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the people you hurt on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while they cry?
How do you dream when a guy jumps of a bridge?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Dear jo
Were you a lonely girl?
Are you a lonely girl?
Are you a lonely girl?
How can you say
No one is hurt?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your rooms
While you pave the road to hell.
What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what your mum has to say
You've come a long way from trying to hurt them.
How do you sleep while they cry?
How do you dream when a guy jumps of a bridge?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?
Let me tell you 'bout love
When you care bout someone
Let me tell you 'bout havin
Friends that care bout you
Let me tell you 'bout havin
A heart when you love someone
Let me tell you 'bout true love
True lovetrue love
You don't know nothing 'bout true love
Yrue love
True love
Oh
How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear jo,
You'd never know true love.
Would you?
as i was saying, pretty random... but i thought it was good!
anyway -
this morning i was working with 'Alan' in physio - and may i just mention how hot he is?! hehe. at this point i may just point out that there is a total of 4 guys working in the entire building...! there's Alan; there's some fat older guy that does... um.... something...!; there's another fat older guy but i really dont have a clue what he does!; and there's another really old guy whos always wandering around the place in paint-spattered overalls but i dont think he actually does anything...!!
so that was pretty much my whole week of work experience - fairly uneventful as you can see, except for the episode with the freaky drunk old guy on monday......!
i think i'll warn you now though - i have a feeling my next post will have just a bit of ranting and raving...!! hehe i'll see you tomorrow!
xxx
Thursday 4 October 2007
hard work??
its strange. people ask me what i've been doing during my work experience and i tell them: "well, i played with little children for a while, i went swimming, i wrapped christmas cards and today i made clay pots...!"
today i was working with disabled adults - i went to an art class with them (where i made the pots) and i went to a 'personal development' class. i think one of the disabled people's PAs was a guy who was in 6th year in my school last year, but im not absolutely 100% positive -he looked REALLY like him, except his hair was completely different - i know he could have dyed it (a lot!) but i dont think it could have become that long over the summer! (i saw him at the end of june, working in a surf shop in town - its strange, because he said hello to me then even though he was 3 years ahead of me in school and we had never spoken to each other or acknowledged each other in the whole three years! (except for a game at the christmas party, but im not getting into THAT now....!) i guess he just recognised me)
it was hiarious working with the adults today, especially the men. its so funny having a 30-something year old with the mind of (in these circumastances probably a 20-year old, so its not weirdly pervy!) start prenteding to hit on you while you both laugh your heads off at him! i know, its seems really strange and wrong but honestly, you just had to be there!
so this week hasnt exactly been the most demanding, even though it was supposed to be work, but im in physio tomorrow, so we'll just see if it stays like that!!
xxx
today i was working with disabled adults - i went to an art class with them (where i made the pots) and i went to a 'personal development' class. i think one of the disabled people's PAs was a guy who was in 6th year in my school last year, but im not absolutely 100% positive -he looked REALLY like him, except his hair was completely different - i know he could have dyed it (a lot!) but i dont think it could have become that long over the summer! (i saw him at the end of june, working in a surf shop in town - its strange, because he said hello to me then even though he was 3 years ahead of me in school and we had never spoken to each other or acknowledged each other in the whole three years! (except for a game at the christmas party, but im not getting into THAT now....!) i guess he just recognised me)
it was hiarious working with the adults today, especially the men. its so funny having a 30-something year old with the mind of (in these circumastances probably a 20-year old, so its not weirdly pervy!) start prenteding to hit on you while you both laugh your heads off at him! i know, its seems really strange and wrong but honestly, you just had to be there!
so this week hasnt exactly been the most demanding, even though it was supposed to be work, but im in physio tomorrow, so we'll just see if it stays like that!!
xxx
Wednesday 3 October 2007
All work and no play.....
well.
sorry i didnt write yesterday, but i was just so exhausted!! its amazing how tired you can get just playing with little children all day! luckily for me, the drunken old man didnt get the bus again yesterday - but i was a bit worried about it for a while!
i was in the preschool again this morning - and i turned up at lunch time covered in yoghurt and red paint! and then for a while after lunch i went to the fundraising section of the company and i got to wrap up bundles of christmas cards in shiny plastic! hehe i love christmas. im the one in my house in charge of all the celebrations, but i really come into my own at christmas. i really love wraping all the presents - i'd wrap my own if i could, except i prefer being surprised with what i'm getting!
i wasnt as tired today as i was yesterday, probably because i was only in the preschool in the morning - after wraping the christmas cards i worked with a physiotherapist for the rest of the afternoon. it was pretty interesting, and i might be working in physio again on friday.
i think the reason i enjoyed wraping the christmas cards is because i prefer to be given an actual task to do; simple, fairly repeditive and fairly brainless, but an actual action that you have to do that gives some sense of accomplishment. i know, its a bit strange, but i think its kind of the way my mind likes to work sometimes. its why i always prefered snakes and ladders to cludoe - i dont have to think! for example, this weekend i spent almost an hour sorting and folding neatly a big box of old paper carrier bags - just because i was bored! i think im the kind of person who likes routine, and i definately dont like change! it messes me up completely!
i missed the first bus home this evening because i was let out 5 minutes late, so i had to get the next bus. that meant i barely had time when i got home to pack my bags and head out to swimming - im doing life saving classes, i want to get my bronze medallion this year. sometimes they can be fairly demanding, but im a very good swimmer so im not worried about it!
i guess i'll write again tomorrow, unless im too tired again!
see you soon!
xxx
sorry i didnt write yesterday, but i was just so exhausted!! its amazing how tired you can get just playing with little children all day! luckily for me, the drunken old man didnt get the bus again yesterday - but i was a bit worried about it for a while!
i was in the preschool again this morning - and i turned up at lunch time covered in yoghurt and red paint! and then for a while after lunch i went to the fundraising section of the company and i got to wrap up bundles of christmas cards in shiny plastic! hehe i love christmas. im the one in my house in charge of all the celebrations, but i really come into my own at christmas. i really love wraping all the presents - i'd wrap my own if i could, except i prefer being surprised with what i'm getting!
i wasnt as tired today as i was yesterday, probably because i was only in the preschool in the morning - after wraping the christmas cards i worked with a physiotherapist for the rest of the afternoon. it was pretty interesting, and i might be working in physio again on friday.
i think the reason i enjoyed wraping the christmas cards is because i prefer to be given an actual task to do; simple, fairly repeditive and fairly brainless, but an actual action that you have to do that gives some sense of accomplishment. i know, its a bit strange, but i think its kind of the way my mind likes to work sometimes. its why i always prefered snakes and ladders to cludoe - i dont have to think! for example, this weekend i spent almost an hour sorting and folding neatly a big box of old paper carrier bags - just because i was bored! i think im the kind of person who likes routine, and i definately dont like change! it messes me up completely!
i missed the first bus home this evening because i was let out 5 minutes late, so i had to get the next bus. that meant i barely had time when i got home to pack my bags and head out to swimming - im doing life saving classes, i want to get my bronze medallion this year. sometimes they can be fairly demanding, but im a very good swimmer so im not worried about it!
i guess i'll write again tomorrow, unless im too tired again!
see you soon!
xxx
Monday 1 October 2007
DynaVox
so i get up at 7:30 this morning, three-quarters of an hour later than i usually have to get up on weekdays. i get dressed, rush a quick breakfast, and my mom drops me to the place im doing work experience - 15 minutes early on my first day and no idea where im supposed to go. so i go inside, sit down in reception and wait awkwardly for about 15 minutes while employees pass me and wonder who the heck i am. then eventually a receptionist arrives and makes me put on a name tag saying im a visitor, and i sit awkwardly around for another 15 minutes while everyone who passes pretends they're not trying to read my name tag. then eventually at 9:15 the person who's supposed to be in charge of me for the week comes in - by this time i've lost count of the number of times i've said "im doing work experience, im supposed to talk to Claire James". anyway, she then shows me around a bit and sits me down at a desk on my own and says she'll come back for me in a few minutes. 20 minutes later she comes back and brings me to a room where im to spend the rest of the day - listening in on a demonstration of how to use those little computers that talk for people who cant speak, called the 'DynaVox series 5' (im doing work experience with Speech and Language therapists).
we break for coffee at 11 and everyone goes to the cafeteria - where the only thing to do is talk and drink tea and coffee - but i dont drink tea or coffee - so i sit around awkwardly for another 20 minutes. then we go back to the demonstration, break for lunch (more sitting around awkwardly, as my mom has made me bring a roll for my lunch, and there's not much messier to try and eat than a really crispy roll), and then back to the demonstration. it finally finishes at around 4pm, but im not supposed to finish work till 4:30 and there's no sign of Claire, so i just follow one of the other SLTs around for a while. she actually quite nice, and to be honest she's not that much older than me, so it's not too bad.
then finally at 4:30 i leave and go to the bus stop. i dont actually know when the next bus is coming, and its starting to rain, so im hoping i dont have to wait half an hour in the freezing cold. luckily, a bus comes along in about 5 minutes, so i hop on. this bus only brings me into town, though, so i have to get a different bus once i get there that almost goes straight past my house. for once, my luck holds, and im able to catch the bus that leaves at 5pm. however, about halfway through the journey, a drunken old man gets onto the bus. i try to push my bag out onto the seat to make it seem like there's no room, but its too late. i can smell the whiskey from his breath. who gets drunk by 5 in the evening, seriously?! i grab my bag onto my lap and look out the window, hoping he wont talk to me. it doesnt work. he's practically asking for my life story - what's my name, was i at school, what to i want to be when i grow up? i try to be as polite as possible while mumbling the simplest but not neccessarily true answers. i dont want to ignore incase he gets violent, so i smile nervously whenever he talks directly to me and try not to look at him. his name is Paddy, apparently. i get a bit more nervous when he tells me i have a nice smile, and asks where i live and how tall i am. i mumble inaudiably, but he seems to hear me and carries on talking away. at this stage we are nearing my town, and the bus is starting to empty, but he still hasnt gotten off. there's a woman sitting in front of me, and despite her bleached platinum hair and orange face, she still looks like the kind of person who would help me if Paddy gave any trouble. the old ladies opposite us, on the other hand, look more likely to blame it on me. but then, the nice-looking blonde woman gets off, and so do the old ladies. Paddy still stays on. im staring to get quite nervous at this point, as i dont want to have to ask him to move when my stop comes, and i start getting paranoid that he'll try to follow me home or something. but finally, to my relief, he gets off at the stop just before mine. i feel my wrists unclench, i didnt even realise they had been balled up. i start to relax again, until i get off the bus and realise i left my keys at home this morning! i pray that the spare key will still be in the shed, but as usual, its not. so i spend the next 20 minutes sitting outside in the rain with my dogs, waiting for my mom to come home.
so that was my wonderful first day of work experience. tomorrow im going to a disabled pre-school and we're going swimming....! wish me luck!
xxx
we break for coffee at 11 and everyone goes to the cafeteria - where the only thing to do is talk and drink tea and coffee - but i dont drink tea or coffee - so i sit around awkwardly for another 20 minutes. then we go back to the demonstration, break for lunch (more sitting around awkwardly, as my mom has made me bring a roll for my lunch, and there's not much messier to try and eat than a really crispy roll), and then back to the demonstration. it finally finishes at around 4pm, but im not supposed to finish work till 4:30 and there's no sign of Claire, so i just follow one of the other SLTs around for a while. she actually quite nice, and to be honest she's not that much older than me, so it's not too bad.
then finally at 4:30 i leave and go to the bus stop. i dont actually know when the next bus is coming, and its starting to rain, so im hoping i dont have to wait half an hour in the freezing cold. luckily, a bus comes along in about 5 minutes, so i hop on. this bus only brings me into town, though, so i have to get a different bus once i get there that almost goes straight past my house. for once, my luck holds, and im able to catch the bus that leaves at 5pm. however, about halfway through the journey, a drunken old man gets onto the bus. i try to push my bag out onto the seat to make it seem like there's no room, but its too late. i can smell the whiskey from his breath. who gets drunk by 5 in the evening, seriously?! i grab my bag onto my lap and look out the window, hoping he wont talk to me. it doesnt work. he's practically asking for my life story - what's my name, was i at school, what to i want to be when i grow up? i try to be as polite as possible while mumbling the simplest but not neccessarily true answers. i dont want to ignore incase he gets violent, so i smile nervously whenever he talks directly to me and try not to look at him. his name is Paddy, apparently. i get a bit more nervous when he tells me i have a nice smile, and asks where i live and how tall i am. i mumble inaudiably, but he seems to hear me and carries on talking away. at this stage we are nearing my town, and the bus is starting to empty, but he still hasnt gotten off. there's a woman sitting in front of me, and despite her bleached platinum hair and orange face, she still looks like the kind of person who would help me if Paddy gave any trouble. the old ladies opposite us, on the other hand, look more likely to blame it on me. but then, the nice-looking blonde woman gets off, and so do the old ladies. Paddy still stays on. im staring to get quite nervous at this point, as i dont want to have to ask him to move when my stop comes, and i start getting paranoid that he'll try to follow me home or something. but finally, to my relief, he gets off at the stop just before mine. i feel my wrists unclench, i didnt even realise they had been balled up. i start to relax again, until i get off the bus and realise i left my keys at home this morning! i pray that the spare key will still be in the shed, but as usual, its not. so i spend the next 20 minutes sitting outside in the rain with my dogs, waiting for my mom to come home.
so that was my wonderful first day of work experience. tomorrow im going to a disabled pre-school and we're going swimming....! wish me luck!
xxx
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